So the last few years of my life I have realized how stupid boys truely are. Boys talk a lot about want that girl, the one who’s the good girl, who wont hurt them, the girl that they can not only be physically involved with but also that persons best friend. A girl who’s not afraid to get dirty and wrestle and girl willing to do what they like to do just because she wants to make him happy like playing video games or watch sports with him and when they find that girl…the one thats not gonna screw him over THEY screw her over. Now all that I’m saying may sound a little bias, and yes girls do the same sometimes too. But in being a girl I’ve been screwed over by so many boys that sometimes I feel like they need to get screwed over to know how it feels. The last couple of days have been brutal for me in this department. I hear the words coming from the mouths of these boys about how they want a girl who is genuinely a good girl and would never hurt them, and then they try to A) get in my pant B) tell me they like me and then ignore me for a bunch of sluts C) buy me shit to win me. GUYS seriously no wonder girls are lesbians. first!!! You don’t try to get into a girls pants, hint girls are worse than boys you don’t have to try to get into a girls pant because if she really wanted to she would invite your ass in…the key is to not try girls go crazy when boys don’t try, and respect them that makes them want you!!!! Second, tell a girl you like her and be genuine about and then fuck it up. Girls usually don’t like to like guys unless they know he’s interested. So chances are you tell a girl you like her and she will probably start liking you back…now a good way to fuck that shit up real quick is by showing how big a man whore you are to ignore because you’re to busy watching a bunch of sluts make out and give you lap dances. Heads up that not only shows the girl that you supposedly like that you are an ass who only cares about pussy but that she also can’t trust you because if thats what you do in front of her face, She doesn’t wanna see what you do when she’s not around. And last but not least don’t think that you can buy a girl into liking you, if she says I don’t like you like that it’s not because she’s trying to play hard to get! she’s being sincerely honest so don’t try to get her shit and think that you’re going to change that it just shows her that you think she’s that caught up with material things.
If someone asked me what I thought about myself, would I lie? Probably. I’ve never wanted people to see the side of me that secretly hates ME. I believe at every point in someones life they start for a slight bit to hate who they are, how they look, and just themselves in general. But I hate the person I am, I look in the mirror to see a girl that I don’t like. I have always been myself, because I know I can’t change who I am but it doesn’t mean I like it. I make so many mistakes. It’s like I want to be perfect! My friend pointed out a good point to me. People seek perfection of themselves so that everyone will think they are perfect! Which is simply impossible, instead of focusing on something that is possible. Being perfect in one person’s eyes, or a smalls group of people’s eyes. But what happens when you don’t want to be perfect to anyone but YOURSELF. I want to see myself as perfect to me and only me. But for some reason I can’t I’m caught up on all of my flaws and my mistakes that I beat myself up. It’s like I keep myself prisoner inside of my head. I’m constantly banging my head against the inside of my skull repeatedly till I break down. I feel that this maybe a mental problem that i have learn to ignore. Or maybe other people go through this normally. I find myself listening to when I speak. Hearing myself saying things that I thought I’d never say. Or saying things with out trying to be someone else that scares me. I have a feeling I have two sides of me. and occasionally I get both in one day. Theres the happy go lucky, i don’t care Teresa and than theres the Teresa who cares too much and is insecure about everything shes ever done or wanted to do in life. Now Insecure Teresa has shrunk down some, she use to overthrow the happy spontaneous girl. But go lucky Teresa has kinda tamed her. Still to this day I feel the shifts in my mood. Its like I feel her coming out to play in order to make my life a living hell. Every time she comes out to play, I hate who I am, I doubt the fiber of my every meaning. And sometimes although I try to get rid of her i can’t. As of right now this is go lucky Teresa screaming out for help because insecure Teresa has taken over.
Sad Chicken:awesome so now when people ask me why I call you tiger, I will say because she is fierce in bed. Then the people would say excuse me I didn't want to hear about your sex life, and I'll say no stupid when I named her Tiger she was in her bed. Then I will show them this picture http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=481366554513&set=a.465756814513.249534.570069513¬if_t=photo_reply&pid=5808220&id=570069513
Sad Chicken:See when she took this picture she was in her bed, absolutely fierce.
…Baby don’t hurt me, Don’t hurt me no more. So I’ve been in love twice in my life. And well the second hasn’t passed yet. It’s like I know that it’s over, after all I was the one who ruined it, but for a strange reason I don’t wanna let go. The first time I fell in love I will admit I was stuck, hurt and confused. I wanted to let go badly, and in setting my mind to it i got over it and eventually fell in love again. Deep down inside of me I know that I can get over this, that i can move on like I did before but I don’t want to. He (my love) has now gotten a new girlfriend, I am so afraid that he is going to fall in love with this girl. And that I’m gonna be forgotten. A piece of me understands why he wont come back to me. But at the same time I also think about when he tells me he still loves me, and if he really did love me that he would be jumping for the opportunity to be with the person he loves and not with someone he just has a physical attraction with or “likes”. Maybe I’m just being stupid and don’t realize that there is no hope. I wanna ask him if there is hope, I want to be happy, I want to be with someone who makes me feel as good as he did and if he is not willing to be that guy, than I guess that he was never the one for me. He feels right. His house feels like home, I love his family and they tell me they love me. I guess being a friend is better than nothing but sometimes I feel like friendship is nothing when you want more. What I don’t understand is how can one love someone and be with someone else. i believe that everyone deserves a second chance because you never know.
So throughout my whole life I have met some pretty interesting people. And every time I have gained a friend I have lost another. My dad always told me that by the end of my life I would be able to count my “true” friends on one hand. And although my life is not over, I still think about this constantly. I thought by now at the age of 19 I’d at least have found 2 true friends. And for a little while I did. My friend Chelsea Rodriguez have been my best friend since I was 5 years old and she was 3, that almost 15 years of friendship right there, but lately things have been shaky with her. Distance has made things hard for us to stay close friends. And I begin to wonder if she belongs on one of my fingers. My other friend who I once thought was a true friend turned out to be not so true after all. And lately I think that I’ve found one friend that is true. Who you may ask? Marcus Silvera has been my friend for about 3 years now…almost 4 I think and to be honest this is the first time I have felt that one of my fingers has a set person I can call my friend. Although we have not seen each other a lot he stays being the one and only person i can talk to about anything and everything. And well you might ask what was the purpose of this post? well simply to explain that a true friend is something hard to find, it can not be bought, and can not be expected. A true friend the one that deserves to be counted on that one hand at the end of your life are the ones that are there no matter what, No distance can separate, no matter how different one is they still support your wants your needs, and are open to loving you for who you are. For everyone reading this just always ask yourselves Am I one of those fingers? Am I being a true friend right now?